gah..
ok, I don't know how many of you have those dumb "HOLLYWOOD TRIVIA!" questions in the theatre before the show starts. You know, slide shows that have questions and facts about your "favorite" stars and ads for local businesses. Why, oh Why, can't the slide makers get a decent picture of any of these people. Even Nick Nolte looked better in that now infamous mug shot of his than Cameron Diaz does on these photo slides. Anyhow, whenever I goto the theatre, the slide show is always at least a little out of focus, that, first off hurts my eyes. I ussually close them and think about something else less painful than looking at big out of focus words, things like getting my nads pounded by a hammer, or losing my pants at my senior prom. Secondly, the "STATION IDENTIFICATION" reel, The one where the theater shows off some crappy 3D animation of their company's logo.
"OH MY GOD! WE ARE WALLACE THEATERS! YOU ARE SO HAPPY TO BE HERE! EAT POPCORN!"
By this time I'm already ready to kill the teenager two rows behind me who think's its funny to yell the word "NIGGER" at his "HOMIES" at every silent interval. Then the ads. Oh how i love paying 7 dollars to watch Carrot Top be a moron in front of some girl who can't make up her mind about calling collect. By the way I want his Bod. (Bodman deoderant fragrances... now on sale at a Wal-Mart or Dollar General near you!). Or the brainwashing commercials of the [insert favorite/least favorite armed forces here]. Gah. [on a side note, the carrot top commercial tonight didnt have sound, so we were spared listening to a voice that sounded like Old Ms. McMally raking her fingers across the chalkboard. God. I hated Old Ms. McMally. I wonder if that frigid bitch is dead yet.] Then we get to the previews, by this time, the little kid behind me as managed to spill his drink, get my shoes wet and sticky, cry because he spilled it, and managed, somehow, to get popcorn down the back of my shirt, and I've forgotten what movie I've come to.
Fast Forward through the previews, because, usually, this is the best part of the entire movie experience.
The movie starts. Out of focus. someone, being the bright and natural genius they are, begins yelling "FOCUS" then other people tell him to shut up. The 'Genius'" wife gets up, tells him that she's leaving, and she's taking the kids with her. He slaps her, they fight, make passionate love on the sticky floor, and the movie still isnt in focus. Somehow, a truely smart person realizes the best way to fix the out of focus problem is to pull the fire alarm.
CUE DROVES OF SCREAMING, STAMPEDING PEOPLE AND LOUD ANGRY NOISE OF FIRE ALARM.
"We're sorry for the inconvienience(?), here's free ticket."
Damn right free ticket.
"I'm sorry. This ticket isnt allow on any new release movie."
BULL SHIT!
By the end of the movie, I remember why i stopped going to so many movies."